Wednesday, January 01, 2014

Canada, you've really outdone yourself!

I had a nice Canadian roommate in college. The poor girl walked in her first day and saw this.

I'm not referring to the three baby-faced college freshmen. I'm talking about what's behind us. It was an entire wall of President George W. Bush. The cute twin in the middle got mono and left us. Lame. She was the best of us, really. Without her, the twin on the right and I spiraled to a new Canada-heckling low. We asked probing questions like, "So...  I'm still not really clear on this... DOES Canada have a military?" and "If Canada was attacked, would the Mounties be your first line of defense?" And then we pretty much just made jokes about the Mounties. Because they're kind of funny.

(I feel that I should clarify two things here -  1. I bore no ill-will toward this roommate from up north, eh? She was quite lovely! 2. I knew exactly nothing about Canada.)

I assume that countries are expected to "contribute something" on a global scale every so often. Canada made their contribution in the form of children's television programming in the late 1990's, and I think it's safe to say they can keep coasting off that one for a least another five years. I discovered one of these gems, Popular Mechanics for Kids, at our local library.

It took me two episodes to figure out that that little baby blonde person was a 1997 Elisha Cuthbert. Then, I wasn't sure how I felt about Jack Bauer's daughter educating my children about safety... or anything... I sat front and center to eight seasons of Kim Bauer's angst driving her into the clutches of variously motivated terrorists. Let's take a moment to recount the angst. There was the typical teenage angst in "24" season one, then the "my dad works at CTU" angst, followed by a brief bout of "now I work with my dad at CTU" angst, and followed up with "I don't work at CTU anymore" angst. Then there was the "I'm dating my therapist, who is also my dad's age" angst, which ran simultaneously with "my dad doesn't like my therapist boyfriend who is coincidentally as old as he is..."

But, I digress. I owe a debt of gratitude to PMK. Thanks to them, my kids are now well versed in what to do in the event of a lightning storm or an unexpected Komodo dragon encounter.

But Canada's real crowning achievement is bringing "Rescue Heroes" to the world.

They have contributed so much to my life as a mother. How I appreciate the durable, brightly colored action figures that manage to withstand bath time. The clever names (Billy Blazes, Ariel Flyer,
Hal E. Copter, Jack Hammer, etc) are a funny little somethin' just for us parents, which somewhat makes up for the rotation of no more than three sound effects used liberally in each episode.

We love Rescue Heroes in our house.

That was why today was so very sad.

We went outside to play in the snow, and where we left this guy swimming happily in the sandbox back in September, we found THIS.

It was our own toddler version of Han Solo, frozen, crying out for help. Who rescues a Rescue Hero when they need rescuing?

Evidently not us. 

Sorry, Roger Houston. We'll see you in the spring, buddy.